i think school today was not bad (:
i was searching EVERYWHERE for wanqi, and turns out she was in the canteen.
but i didn't know, so when i saw sarah i was so relieved
me:" OMG SARAH WHERE IS WANQI!!!"
and she was just opposite sarah.
OH AND ASSEMBLY WAS FUN!
HAHA!
me" do you watch that 70's show?"
huiqi" YAH YAH YAH"
me " you mean the ashton kutcher one?"
huiqi" YAH YAH YAH"
me" huiqi stop lying"
hq" I"M NOT"
me " so you watch the drew berry one? " (who the hell is that, haha made it up)
hq" YAH YAH YAH"
me :"yah right huiqi that person doesn't exist in the show!"
then tass joined me and try to fool huiqi, WHO FELL FOR EVERYTHING! haha!
i keep seeing tass do that hand hand thing haha!


*rachel drinking the fruitty drink liek nobody's business*
*finally she stops and puts it down*
*turns to me and say :" i feel like drinking more" *
me:" GO AHEAD IT'S NOT EVEN MINE!"
hahhaa! rachel! BUT WE ALL KNOW WHO IT BELONGS TO!


okay all these are the fun dialogues that happened today!
and today is someone special 's BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WANQI MIMASAKA X!
HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY WITH ANDREW DE TORRES AND COLE! HAHA!
spelt it correctly now (:
HAPPY 15TH!


we're taking deep breaths now
and we gaze upon that awe-inspiring sight.
but sometimes, when the moment you anticipated for is coming.
it is just too good to be true.
and it never comes.

LIT AND SS IS KILLER!
okay i guess i got it coming for all the last minute stuff.
but these projects are seriously so stressful,
and what is the point of them?
headaches are bcoming a frequent thing
within a week, i would be immune to it!


a movie tomorrow :D
that's got to take my mind off everything!
i miss you guys so much ):


but one thing puzzles me, and i am letting it go
if it's one thing i learnt,
LETTING GO IS ESSENTIAL IF YOU WANT TO MOVE ON
what's the use of holding onto something
that will not even come back to you !


i'm suddenly satisfied with being a bystander
just watching everything happen
and wishing for the best for you.
cause it's the only thing that will make you happy
and if i can, i will try to be happy too
it's the way it works.
the way it is now, i hope, is good enough.

Why do you make it so difficult for me to say a simple word, bye. you are the only person who makes me lost for words, and stumble on my sentences. whenever i look into your intense eyes, i just want to stay in that moment of amazement. no words can describe what i am keeping inside of me, how much i want to let it all out, but something always stop me in my tracks. why can't you see that this is killing me. everytime i draw myself further and further away from you, the hole in my heart grows bigger, and what's left of it is just sorrow and those heart-rending memories that keep me in denial. the one thing that i really want is to go back in time now, to take back those things i said and to make it right now. when i get a step ahead and feel confident that i have moved on, and i am done harping on happily never afters and getting over the impossible. i have to think about it all over again, it's like my heart never wants me to be happy again and wishes to stay in this painful tragedy. and when i get these signals that send me into a world of daydreams and confusion, i just feel like spilling it all out because i'm exhausted from all this drama, and i want to go back to how i used to be, and i had no pain, when happiness was the only thing that i knew.

OKAY I AM OFFICIALLY SCREWED
elearning week was a TOTAL DISASTER cause i didn't get any work done ):
ANYWAY! church yesterday was... good i guess.
i finally got around to wearing my puma sneakers.
ANYWAY TASS CAME (: thank goodness IF NOT I'LL BE SUPER LONELY!
well service was good, one of the best i got to say.


i forgot what happened this week,
1.BUT I HAD MY LAST TRAINING FOR PROBABLY THIS YEAR, night training i mean.
2.i'm hooked onto ugly betty, NO IDEA WHY!
3.i'm having a bad week
4. i really wish what natassia said was true
5.holidays are a week away
6. MAKE THIS NIGHTMARE END!


oh and on friday,
MY WONDERFUL FRIEND HUIQI PUSHED ME OFF A CHAIR,
good work huiqi!
ONCE AGAIN, YOU SAVED ME FROM "FALLING"
i'm counting how many times it happens.


OKAY BACK TO WORK NOW NOW NOW NOW!


i'm really tired from all this
why is it that i am not made immune to all the drama
and in the end, i draw myself deeper
and i'm sucked into all this pain
i think it's because i haven't had it in a long time.
the happiness i used to experience.

there was no school today!
and i wasted my WHOLE MORNING!
but successfully finished ALL MY TUITION WORK within 3 hours, haha!
and it felt so good, to finally do all my work, at one shot, AND KNOWING HOW TO DO IT!
i think i am getting a hang of both emath and amath, which is a big step from my BIG BLANKS in all my homeworks and stuff. Maybe sec 3 won't be so bad if i:
1. stop procrastinating
2. ACTUALLY listen in class,and not space out
3. stop cancelling ALL my tuitions!
4. Do my revision everyday
5. Study in advance
6. clarify my doubts!
AND BY THE TIME EXAMS COME, MY As WILL COME!
and i will be able to fool my dad that ADAM KHOO WORKED AND HE DID NOT THROW AWAY HIS THOUSAND OVER BUCKS (:
which, come to think of it, it did kind of help me here and there, with motivation
i'll get around to it SOON!
like NOW!


i know how i have been talking about how i miss life last time, like a gazillion times.
but this year, it is ALL STUDIES,
and i am cancelling my training,
so this week will be the last ):
i guess last year trainins + supper was DEFINITELY 100 times better,
but this year was still good, seeing all of them (:
LIKE A BREAK FROM ALL THE STUDIES.
i seriously miss everything ):
i need to MOVE ON!
i hate how i always harp on things, JUST AS I MOVE ON i think too much... AGAIN!


holidays are coming
AND I AM GOING TO BALANCE OUT EVERYTHING
forget about all those romance, love shit, cause well... yah!
then i will spend LOADS OF TIME WITH ALL MY FRIENDS
STUDY ALOT!
do ALL MY HOMEWORK and NOT procrastinate ( V.V.V IMPORTANT!)
MY LIFE TO DO LIST! (just until sec4 ends)


i'm all mixed up and someday i will actually know why i was in such a mess. But for now, i am just waiting for the moment when it all becomes clear, which deep down, i know is not definitely soon. is "waiting" just a word everyone uses as an excuse to get out of this harsh reality, to buy time to straighten their thoughts?because i think i am doing just that.

it's not like i didn't study. that was the mosti have ever studied for a test, everyday spending hours just on one topic just to satisfy you. i studied like freaking crap and i know my results sucks like hell. i got a fucking low score compared to all your full marks. but i seriously tried. yes i admit that i had many careless mistakes, but how about the questions that i DID get correct, i think i should just get a little bit of credit for passing. instead i just got nags and scolding. i'm sorry okay i am really sorry that my brain, compared to yours is so small. it is not like i am very happy with my results, it took me one week to get up the courage to tell you my results. I AM SORRY for scoring so low and not getting your ideal full marks k! but i cried enough for my results and it is not that i think this was some DAMN GOOD score or something, i know it is bad. so please, just stop putting me down.


i can't stand secondary 3 life.
i wouldn't mind exams so much, it's gotta be better than these endless tests. i can't take it anymore.

HI EVERYONE
today was such an awesome day okay
i spent it with the most amazing people

but i love rachel the mostest cuz well duh shes awesome!!
teehee

i screwed up my AMATH SO BADLY
I'M CURRENTLY GOING INTO DEPRESSION UNTIL MY GRADES GO UP
THIS ANTI-SOCIAL LIFE THING BETTER WORK ):


OH AND I THINK MR JO HATES ME!
mr jo :" who broke the ohp"
me" SOMEONE IRRESPONSIBLE" *eyeing chean*
mr jo :" nono i am serious, who broke this"
me : *GIVE HIM THE DON'T KNOW FACE*
mr jo :" AMELIA WAS IT YOU! "
me :" NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and mr jo gives me this disapointed/ YAH RIGHT FACE!


mrs neo " do you know who is the noisiest one in class? "
rachel chan :" AMELIAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"
mrs neo : " no, it's NO LONGER, amelia, now it's kai lin"
what does she mean by NO LONGER!!!!!!!!


I can't tell if this is just a normal feeling, or something that means so much more, everything gets complicated and i am dying to set it all straight, but you spin me around in circles and i lose control, going back to my confused feelings, everytime i move forward, you seem to pull me back and i get sucked in to the reality of truth and i have to witness all the unbearable truth. but now, i am just hoping for something that can change it all. i'm beginning to think that everything is changing and i am moving on, but this feelings takes me on a ride, and i feel like it is just there to distract me. how am i supposed to know if that is what i really want.
take me home,
we can just disapear

SO after my mum comes back from china
SHE DECIDES TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE
that means byebye social life, HELLO NERD LIFE
she cancelled out
monday CIPs
wednesday and friday night trainings
night outings
studying outings
shopping outings
phone time
msn time
computer time

me" SO I GET NO SOCIAL LIFE?!"
mum " no you can use the phone bu must limit your computer time"
i used the computer, she NAGGED!
i talked on the phone, she SCOLDED!
so that kind of backfired!
and everyday is come home STUDY REVISE TUITION, STUDY REVISE TUITION!
if this doesn't pull my grades up NOTHING WILL!
so if i do not come online, it means i'm prolly studying, leading a life of a typical MUST SCORE A1 student! PLEASE WORK!!!!!!!!

BIO TEST WAS DIFFICULT!
and i didn't finish my personal recount!
ANYWAY seats were changeddddddddd!
and sarah is no longer behind, SHE'S BEEN REPLACED BY AMI!
but i think teachers should know better than to split us up, cause we make more noise
AND IT JUST DOESN'T WORK!
HAHA!
OH ANYWAY, yesterday i went studying with huiqi
cramming all that BIO!
me : " oh you know i wake myself up by eating salt!"
then i took a i dipped my finger in the salt and ate it
huiqi :" i wake myself up my eating SUGAR!"
she takes a whole packet of macs sugar and eats it.
SHE HAS ISYOOS!


anyway i got locked out of class today
thanks to HUIQI!
locked me out at the balcony!
well today school was BORING!
sadly ):
and rachel and i are having boy talking sessions
swooning about who't hot and who's NOT!


stupid FB is not uploading my photos properly ):
I'M DISAPOINTED!


when i least expect it
what i have been expecting all along comes
i can't tell what's what
and i'm not a mind reader,
i just want to know what's going on
and that i am not over speculating
the little bits that you left behind

BIO is killing me
wth !
PHARYNX, OESOPHAGUS, BILE DUCT, GALL BLADDER, DUODENUM, JEJUNUM, ILEUM!
TRYPSIN, PEPSIN, CASEINOGEN, EREPSIN!
i think i am going to fail bio
i'm having such a bad day today.
and everything is so fucking complicated, i can't stand it.


what does it mean when
phone checks are regular
and msn checks are a habit.
regardless, i need to get rid of this feeling
cause it's driving me insane
i can't tell what is what
and i think i'm overthinking it
i don't want everything to happen all over again

i had a really really good dinner last night!
it's been ages, so My brother, dad and i went down to raffles place for my brother's birthday dinner, WOAH, he's 21 already, STILL DRIVER'S LICENCE-LESS!
had a really nice italian dinner, the bread is really GOOD!
then we went to waterboat house after that to SURPRISE my brother,
IT HAS SUCH A NICE VIEW!
shall steal the pictures from my brother later, my dad kind of rented the place for my brother, like 2 tables
idk if it is the table or the whole place, cause it was really empty yesterday.
but it was really nice, the view, you know at singapore river,
when you can see all the hotels, suntec city, the floating stadium, fullerton, merlion, esplanade, THAT WHOLE VIEW!
i'm going to have my birthday there, BUT, i don't drink!
OH WELL :D it was nice

i can't stand it when someone tries to act sweet and nice
but they are only doing it with an ulterior motive
you trust them and tell them everything
but secretly in their heart they don't even care
that is when you know they have serious trust issues
and i can tell, it is so obvious
how you do everything just to find out something else
these peple piss me off so badly,
i doubt they have true friends.